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August 12, 2017 / themrtinney

Saturday musing… or …Where’s the damn spoon, Carl?

Just some random thoughts that swirl about in the area where my brain is supposed to be.  Such as:

  1.    Where do all the damn small spoons go?  Try this test yourself… reach into your silverware drawer, pull a spoon out of the spot where the spoons are segregated, and it will be a spoon the size of Rhode Island.  At some point in my life I had small spoons that would actually fit in your mouth, or a small pudding cup, or the kitchen.  Now I go to get a spoon to stir coffee or eat a small cup of pudding and it takes two hands to get it out.  I could scoop up a human heart with these things.  It makes me wonder – are the small spoons hiding out someplace with all those missing socks from the laundry?  Is there a spoon/sock coupe about to unfold?  Am I losing my mind?  Is Micheal Keaton not really the best batman??
  2.   I think I should write an apology letter to my liver.  If not for the prolonged sustained exposure to a variety of, mind you very quality, alcohols.. then at least for the party season of 1986 which also would put my stomach, cardiovascular system, and generally whole me up for an apology tour of sorts.  I’ll have to get that written stat.  The only question is do I address it Dear Sir?  Does your liver have its own gender identity?
  3.   I don’t mind this whole ‘working’ thing except for the part where I have to show up.  Let’s face it, if I could just get the direct deposit without the showing up part, my attitude would be vastly improved.  It’s all about priorities folks.  Working in a customer service industry as a verified misanthrope comes with some drawbacks.  Here is a brief list:
    1. Talking on the phone to people
    2. Talking in person to people
    3. Talking to people
    4. People
  4.   So body shaming is a big thing on the internet.  I’m not sure I understand exactly what it is.  I think it’s a version of bullying where people who consider themselves to be pretty, or thin, or particularly good at wearing stripes say nasty things about people like me who look like somebody violently stuffed a bear-skin rug with a frumpy 70-year-old.  I get it, but I guess I just have thicker skin than the average, out of shape American.  Or maybe it’s the bear-skin rug.
  5.  Final thought… If you could do anything you wanted today -anything at all- what would you choose?  I know, we are both thinking the same thing.  Let’s say it out loud at the same exact time: Drink!

    I’m left with the feeling somebody in the crowd said something like “go to France” or “save whale babies from global warming monkeys” and ruined that special moment.  Either way – have a great Saturday people.  I’ll handle the drinks for those of you heading off to France.

 

 

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