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April 18, 2019 / themrtinney

I’m Hip… or at least Half Hip

ive-fallen-and-i-cant-get-up-19866609You know those odd moments in life where you stop and reflect on the things that happen to you and ask yourself the questions that come to mind during such a time of reflection, like:

What is the meaning of life?

Is there a God, and does he like dark or milk chocolate?

What’s the process for making chicken-hawks?  I mean – is there a whole dating thing, or do chickens and hawks just naturally do things like that?

What happened to all the animals Michael Jackson had?

It was during one of these times of quiet reflection that I started thinking about my upcoming surgery.  Most of my Nebraska crew knows about this… so for those in Virginia and elsewhere, here’s a quick update in bullet-form because I like bullets (both kinds):

  • It snows in Nebraska.  Like a lot of snowing went on.  I was like: OMG look at all this fricking snow.
  • I walked in some snow.
  • That devious snow was hiding some water.
  • This water was frozen.
  • I fell so hard on my right hip that I was instantly eligible for Senior Citizen discounts at nearby restaurants and AARP sent a representative to help me get up.
  • Did I mention I fell really hard?

So next Tuesday I’m having some cartilage removed, some holes drilled to grow some new cartilage like a lizard, some bone scraping, a tendon repair and am pushing for some liposuction but not winning on that request.  I’ve gotten a little fat being hobbled for six months.

I started having the normal concerns popping into my quiet revery. Will I regain full use?  Are the pain pills going to be good?  Should I wear something slinky to the surgery or something conservative?  I decided on loose-fitting but conservative:  I’m no ho.

So here are the top five things I’m hoping to achieve from having this surgery and, hopefully, a full recover:

  1.  No pain
  2. Being able to tie my shoe or pick-up something I’ve dropped
  3. Squatting a world-record amount of weight OR just being able to squat (either/or)
  4. Picking up my leg to get into my car.  Using my leg and not my arms.
  5. That liposuction… I’ve gotten pretty chunky

So – if you’re near a bar next Tuesday around 1pm CST, get a drink and wish me good fortune.  If you have to go back to work after the drink, just tell them Mr. Tinney said it’s ok.

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